What I mean by that is pretty simple. As a pro photog, it's far too easy to get caught up in putting smiles on my clients' faces, shooting & editing away, which do NOT get me wrong! I thoroughly LOVE what I do for a living because it never feels like "work". But too often it results in me forgetting about the girl behind the camera...the Candy of eyeCandy. Oh yeah, and all the tons of pictures I take of my 3 reasons for living (Travis, Jacob & Cheyenne)? Those go neglected, too, lost in the shuffle that is the abyss of my photo "vault".
Well I was searching for a self portrait to include with my bio on the new website I'm piecing together for eyeCandy Photography, which I didn't find. Guess I should add that to my ever-growing list of photography projects. But what I DID find was a few lost treasures. I stumbled upon some old photos of my daughter. She was barely 2 years old at the time (she will be 4 on her birthday in July!!) and we were outside on the front porch, where she was trying to catch raindrops. I was saddened by the fact that I had forgotten about all the precious curls she used to have that are forever gone, but SO glad I captured them with my camera!
Then I stumbled upon something else. These photos are VERY symbolic. They were shot when I was going thru the hardest time in my life, as I was packing my things to move. My 10-year marriage was ending and I let my soon-to-be ex husband keep the house, for several reasons I won't elaborate on here, but it was still very sad for me. This was the home we had brought all of our newborn babies home to, celebrated their First Christmases, first birthdays, they took their first steps in the living room. Eventually, I told myself it's just a house and those memories can never be stripped away from me, but at the time, it was very, very difficult. As I was shuffling things around in my bedroom, packing my belongings into boxes, I discovered a few fallen, dead, neglected flowers behind the nightstand.
A part of my life had crumbled, but it was also the mark of a new beginning, a new time in my life to take care of me (and my kids) first and foremost, for a change. I have always believed that there is beauty to be found in the ruin and decay that life inevitably sweeps across time, and I have learned that the secret of life is to find the positives in the negatives.
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